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Submitted on
January 29


314 (who?)
She held an aquamarine crayon
in between her chubby little fingers
Her small hand swallowed it
A glow enveloped her cyan eyes,
like firecrackers on the Fourth of July
She scribbled wildly,
with no direction

She held a marigold pencil
in between her slim fingers-
no longer chubby, but she thought they were
Her collarbones smiled through her skin,
even though she did not
But she still doodled,
eating her mistakes

She held a ballpoint pen
in between her brittle bones-
they were supposed to be fingers
Her ribcage protruded like shelves at the market,
however held no food: only pain
But she still drew,
and devoured the ink

She was a starving artist,
and art was all she ate.
A pun on the term starving artist, with a dark undertone, I suppose. I have the ideas down, but I think the format and such could use tweaking! Advice please! :)
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Yonderness Mar 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This was the first of your poems that I read. i have read many of your poems since then, and all are good, but I keep coming back to this one. This is the one that sticks with me. 
Tangled-Tales Mar 30, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Awww thanks! Glad it left an impact! :)
MsGeekNerd Mar 27, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Metaphorically it was great but it also described an artist struggling with teenage depression and anorexia. Very good 
Tangled-Tales Mar 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Yayaya! Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it! <3
MsGeekNerd Mar 28, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome I'm glad you wrote it.
Zireael07 Feb 22, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is brilliant!
Tangled-Tales Feb 22, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
DireWolfwere Feb 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Damn. That ending is perfect. I can take this both as a  literal way (her body withers away from her art, or other things artists struggle with like drug addiction or possible she got a disease) or it can be more metaphorical saying how the body loses meaning as you obsess over art. I think you could work with the first stanza a bit more, it's almost too direct or something. The use of the word small in the 3rd line is bothering me because we know the hand is small by the little fingers description and after saying the hand is small, you say it swallowed the crayon which is a bit of a contradiction. "Her hand swallowed it" would probably read better. The description of her eyes as cyan also don't seem to be necessary since she isn't described anywhere else in the poem (other than the obvious necessary parts about aging and starving). "She scribbled wildly, with no direction" I don't like the "with no direction" and scribbled wildly might be better as scribbled freely (a child may seem wild, but a major part about being a child is how free you are). The no direction part is bothering me because that's how adults see children, but children see themselves as having a direction. You could say something about her being fascinated with the colors or the power of being able to make marks on the paper, marks that are all her own.
Tangled-Tales Feb 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Ahhhhh okay okay, thanks!! Thanks for all the suggestions! And mkay, I shall work on rearrangement and rewording! :)
DireWolfwere Feb 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I did really like this poem<3
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