Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
When you said
you needed space,
you meant more
between your fingers,
so you could hold
someone else's hand.
I am not sure if this one is up to par, it might need some rethinking. Feedback please and thank you? :heart:

OH AND ALSO CAN SOMEONE SUGGEST A BETTER TITLE PLEASE!!!
Add a Comment:
 
:iconnutmegrufruf:
NutmegRufRuf Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2014
My gosh this is so beautiful!!!!!!!!! 

It's crazy how reading one poem, with such strong words, can cause someone to cry. 

Amazing, amazing, amazing, job. 
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
AW YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL THOUGH. THANKS QT. :HEART:
Reply
:iconnutmegrufruf:
NutmegRufRuf Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2014
Oh! Heart Heart thank you so much!!!!!! Hug Hug Hug 
Reply
:iconil-spun-ii:
Il-Spun-II Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2014
what do you think of: 
"When you said
you needed space,
you meant more
than the distance
between our fingers,
so that you could hold
someone else's hand."

not too far off. 
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Hmmm I do like it, maybe instead change it to "you meant more distance between our fingers?"
Reply
:iconil-spun-ii:
Il-Spun-II Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2014
"When you said
you needed space,
you meant more
than our width
between your fingers,
so you could hold
someone else's hand."

i like this a bit, woulda added an extra line to finish the thought :)
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Ohhh okay! I will consider editing! :D I feel as though the way I wrote it gives off the idea of holding hands though? maybe not... what do you think?
Reply
:iconsurvivingextinction:
SurvivingExtinction Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh man, that is so sweet. It's simply put together but it works wonderfully. I'd say it fits better than a glove would, but gloves aren't sweet. Maybe one steeped in honey? XP
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Hahhaha OH MY YES. :heart: Glad you enjoyed~
Reply
:iconsurvivingextinction:
SurvivingExtinction Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Haha. Of course I did. Your poems are amazing!  :D
Reply
:icondead-rotten-bitch:
dead-rotten-bitch Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
You could just call it "space" rather than "spaces". Since you used the word space in the poem itself, I think it would have more impact that way.
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
But I have a poem already titled Space!! *cries*
Reply
:icondead-rotten-bitch:
dead-rotten-bitch Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
You Needed Space?
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Hmmmm.... Thanks thanks!! It seems i have an attatchment to shorter titles though. >.<
Reply
:icondead-rotten-bitch:
dead-rotten-bitch Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
You are welcome! I wish I was good with shorter titles but I'm not clever enough…
Reply
:iconwordconvict:
wordconvict Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I love it! Don't think it needs a title those 6 lines say it quite well!
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Hahaha thank ya!! ;)
Reply
:iconhermionefrost:
HermioneFrost Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You portrayed such a beautiful message with only a few lines, and I absolutely love it. The simplicity of the poem and the strong emotion it expresses make it such a lovely poem. Wonderful job! :love:
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
THANK YOU!!!
Reply
:iconmisstsukii:
MissTsukii Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I dont know if you know how good you are with b such simple words. Tat content is so deep and unexpected. You are great at what you do.
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! I am glad you enjoyed it! :)
Reply
:iconlmw-creations:
LMW-Creations Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Would it make more sense to say something like "I think you meant..." (I read it twice to catch what you meant - quite a lovely poem though, but you said something rethinking - thought I'd mention.)
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Hmmm maybe! I think that would add more uncertainty by saying "I think..." But, it might make it more clear! Thank you! :D
Reply
:iconnortstar:
Nortstar Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2014
it was very good
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
THANKS :)
Reply
:iconnortstar:
Nortstar Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2014
you are welcome :hug:
Reply
:iconopenskyline:
openskyline Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Titles, titles, titles...hmm... 

"Raspberry Angel Wings in Space" 
Um, no. Looks like title generators will be absolutely no help. 

I think your title is perfect. Maybe you should consider changing your "space" poem to "Outer Space" or something similar. 
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Okay! Yeah, the titles are too close as is, haha. :P THANK YOU!
Reply
:iconhossainx:
hossainx Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Perfect Title ...and a wonderful poem ...loved it
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you x 2 hehehe. :)
Reply
:iconfruitncreme:
FruitnCreme Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014  Student Digital Artist
i can't think of a better title,but this is beautiful... :D
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Awww thank you!! And mkay!
Reply
:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
It's simple but symbolic. I like it.
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
THANKS! :)
Reply
:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
You're welcome :)
Reply
:iconpeaseblossoms:
peaseblossoms Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is so short but I really enjoyed reading it!! QvQ <33333 Excellent work!
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
THANK YOU!! So happy to hear! :)
Reply
:iconpeaseblossoms:
peaseblossoms Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You are very welcome!! QvQ I'm so glad!!!
Reply
:iconopenskyline:
openskyline Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Woo hoo, very good. 
At first I thought this was that other poem about space you've got :D
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Hahah I know, that was the first thing I thought when titling it! >.<
Reply
:iconcrystallized-skies:
crystallized-skies Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I love the way this ended. And I think the title fits it rather nicely. 
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Glad to hear, endings are kind of my favorite part to write!! ^.^ AND YAY THANKS FOR THE FEEDBACK ON THE TITLE!
Reply
:iconcrystallized-skies:
crystallized-skies Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I love writing endings, however sometimes they are the hardest things to get right. 
Reply
:iconbohax:
Bohax Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Your short poems tend to end very impressively, in the non-colloquial sense of the word. Literally stunning and at the same time, very moving...
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Aww yaya! So glad to hear that! :heart:
Reply
:iconbohax:
Bohax Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:D
Reply
:icondeceivertale:
Deceivertale Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Touching~ <3
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Glad you think so! :)
Reply
:iconsupach:
Supach Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Nice one :D
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
THANKS!
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:icontangled-tales: More from Tangled-Tales


Featured in Collections


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
June 11, 2014
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
974
Favourites
130 (who?)
Comments
71
×