Deviant Login Shop
 Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

:icontangled-tales: More from Tangled-Tales


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
March 26
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
943 (1 today)
Favourites
101 (who?)
Comments
68
×
“I adore you,”
she said, whimsically twisted in the rippled gossamer sheets of their bed.
And in these words were memories of weather-worn love letters,
long kisses with smeared roseate lipstick,
and layered mascara outlining her chatoyant eyes,
for he loved the way it looked.

“I misspoke,”
she said months later, tightly grasping the rippled gossamer sheets of her bed.
And in these words were soiled and crumpled goodbye notes,
untarnished roseate lipstick on her opulent lips,
and smeared mascara, creating an ashy mess on her pillowcase,
for who cares if he used to love the way it looked.

She whispered to empty sheets,
“I meant abhor you.”
I wrote a little excerpt that said: "I said that I adore you, I misspoke, I meant abhor you." This is just an expansion of that idea! :) I am not quite sure if the way this is set up is confusing? Or does it work? Feedback appreciated! Thank you all for taking the time to read and critique! <3

UPDATE: Added some italics for emphasis on two words I thought needed more attention in the poem. ;) And thanks to massive-drama for noting me and giving me extensive suggestions! I ended up using the idea to make the second stanza with goodbye notes, and think it leaves a much better impact! So THANK YOU! :)
Add a Comment:
 
:iconmassive-drama:
massive-drama Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014
oooooh i just saw this. you are amazing :)
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Awww thank you. <3
Reply
:iconsleepingintheshadows:
SleepingInTheShadows Featured By Owner May 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Love it! 
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner May 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
THANKS :hug:
Reply
:iconopenskyline:
openskyline Featured By Owner May 28, 2014  New member Hobbyist General Artist
Yay! When I saw this in my messages I thought it was a mistake, but nope :)
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner May 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
THANKS <33
Reply
:iconkissysaltcoatedangel:
kissysaltcoatedangel Featured By Owner May 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Just loved it, the simplicity in it's beauty. But the crescendo in the finish. :heart: Also I love that you used the word "abhor" not hate or anything else, felt much more poignant for me. :) 
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner May 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
THANK YOU!! And yes, abhor sounds so beautiful, haha. ;P
Reply
:iconkissysaltcoatedangel:
kissysaltcoatedangel Featured By Owner May 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
No problemo! Taco Dance 
Reply
:iconmassive-drama:
massive-drama Featured By Owner May 11, 2014
Love the excerpt, context, dry whit concluding. Think it needs less repetition at the end, written with the same idea. Gimme more awesome writing, loves it :)
Reply
Add a Comment: