Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
×

:icontangled-tales: More from Tangled-Tales


Featured in Collections

Writing by ShyGreenYoshi


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
March 26
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
1,856 (2 today)
Favourites
131 (who?)
Comments
77
×
“I adore you,”
she said, whimsically twisted in the rippled gossamer sheets of their bed.
And in these words were memories of weather-worn love letters,
long kisses with smeared roseate lipstick,
and layered mascara outlining her chatoyant eyes,
for he loved the way it looked.

“I misspoke,”
she said months later, tightly grasping the rippled gossamer sheets of her bed.
And in these words were soiled and crumpled goodbye notes,
untarnished roseate lipstick on her opulent lips,
and smeared mascara, creating an ashy mess on her pillowcase,
for who cares if he used to love the way it looked.

She whispered to empty sheets,
“I meant abhor you.”
I wrote a little excerpt that said: "I said that I adore you, I misspoke, I meant abhor you." This is just an expansion of that idea! :) I am not quite sure if the way this is set up is confusing? Or does it work? Feedback appreciated! Thank you all for taking the time to read and critique! <3

UPDATE: Added some italics for emphasis on two words I thought needed more attention in the poem. ;) And thanks to massive-drama for noting me and giving me extensive suggestions! I ended up using the idea to make the second stanza with goodbye notes, and think it leaves a much better impact! So THANK YOU! :)
Add a Comment:
 
:iconemo-tion-emilie-fied:
Emo-tion-Emilie-fied Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2014  Student Writer
Oh the feels….
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
<3 Thx q t!
Reply
:iconhammer777:
hammer777 Featured By Owner Edited Nov 2, 2014
Bedsheets: Well screw you too, dickhead.
Reply
:iconnoxe-applepi:
Noxe-ApplePi Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2014  Student General Artist
Miley Cyrus song? XD
Reply
:iconraythefilipinogwailo:
RayTheFilipinoGwaiLo Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Ya mean Taylor Swift? XD
Reply
:iconnoxe-applepi:
Noxe-ApplePi Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2014  Student General Artist
...
No I don't
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Hahha not quite! ;)
Reply
:iconfindingwhatslost:
FindingWhatsLost Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2014  Hobbyist
ooooo I remember this poem. And I remember that it touched me. I'm so glad that you added the part about the goodbye notes it really does highten the impact of the overall piece.
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Aw yayaya thank you!!! :)
Reply
:iconil-spun-ii:
Il-Spun-II Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014
oooooh i just saw this. you are amazing :)
Reply
Add a Comment: