Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
“I adore you,”
she said, whimsically twisted in the rippled gossamer sheets of their bed.
And in these words were memories of weather-worn love letters,
long kisses with smeared roseate lipstick,
and layered mascara outlining her chatoyant eyes,
for he loved the way it looked.

“I misspoke,”
she said months later, tightly grasping the rippled gossamer sheets of her bed.
And in these words were soiled and crumpled goodbye notes,
untarnished roseate lipstick on her opulent lips,
and smeared mascara, creating an ashy mess on her pillowcase,
for who cares if he used to love the way it looked.

She whispered to empty sheets,
“I meant abhor you.”
I wrote a little excerpt that said: "I said that I adore you, I misspoke, I meant abhor you." This is just an expansion of that idea! :) I am not quite sure if the way this is set up is confusing? Or does it work? Feedback appreciated! Thank you all for taking the time to read and critique! <3

UPDATE: Added some italics for emphasis on two words I thought needed more attention in the poem. ;) And thanks to massive-drama for noting me and giving me extensive suggestions! I ended up using the idea to make the second stanza with goodbye notes, and think it leaves a much better impact! So THANK YOU! :)
Add a Comment:
 
:iconemo-tion-emilie-fied:
Emo-tion-Emilie-fied Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2014  Student Writer
Oh the feels….
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
<3 Thx q t!
Reply
:iconhammer777:
hammer777 Featured By Owner Edited Nov 2, 2014
Bedsheets: Well screw you too, dickhead.
Reply
:iconnoxe-applepi:
Noxe-ApplePi Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2014  Student General Artist
Miley Cyrus song? XD
Reply
:iconraythefilipinogwailo:
RayTheFilipinoGwaiLo Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Ya mean Taylor Swift? XD
Reply
:iconnoxe-applepi:
Noxe-ApplePi Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2014  Student General Artist
...
No I don't
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Hahha not quite! ;)
Reply
:iconfindingwhatslost:
FindingWhatsLost Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2014  Hobbyist
ooooo I remember this poem. And I remember that it touched me. I'm so glad that you added the part about the goodbye notes it really does highten the impact of the overall piece.
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Aw yayaya thank you!!! :)
Reply
:iconil-spun-ii:
Il-Spun-II Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014
oooooh i just saw this. you are amazing :)
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Awww thank you. <3
Reply
:iconcrystallized-skies:
crystallized-skies Featured By Owner May 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Love it! 
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner May 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
THANKS :hug:
Reply
:iconopenskyline:
openskyline Featured By Owner May 28, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Yay! When I saw this in my messages I thought it was a mistake, but nope :)
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner May 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
THANKS <33
Reply
:iconkissysaltcoatedangel:
kissysaltcoatedangel Featured By Owner May 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Just loved it, the simplicity in it's beauty. But the crescendo in the finish. :heart: Also I love that you used the word "abhor" not hate or anything else, felt much more poignant for me. :) 
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner May 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
THANK YOU!! And yes, abhor sounds so beautiful, haha. ;P
Reply
:iconkissysaltcoatedangel:
kissysaltcoatedangel Featured By Owner May 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
No problemo! Taco Dance 
Reply
:iconil-spun-ii:
Il-Spun-II Featured By Owner May 11, 2014
Love the excerpt, context, dry whit concluding. Think it needs less repetition at the end, written with the same idea. Gimme more awesome writing, loves it :)
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner May 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Okay,,, thank you!!! I shall try! >.<
Reply
:iconbeth-beththecolorful:
Beth-BethTheColorful Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
It works very well. You could even expand it a little further into her past or future. 
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Woahh, that is a cool idea! THANKS!
Reply
:iconbeth-beththecolorful:
Beth-BethTheColorful Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
hehe no problem
Reply
:iconcatloversjt:
catloversjt Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2014
I think that the way you set this up is perfect. :)
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Awww okay!! Good to hear! :) THANKS THANKS.
Reply
:iconcatloversjt:
catloversjt Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2014
:D Of course~
Reply
:iconannabelllee17:
AnnaBellLee17 Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2014  Student Writer
sounds very romantic to me as well...  i had my fair share of broken hearts myself.
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Love is for sure touchy! So glad you found meaning in the poem! :)
Reply
:iconannabelllee17:
AnnaBellLee17 Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2014  Student Writer
i did and nice job
Reply
:iconsoulspoken:
soulspoken Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2014  Professional Writer
Oh wow this one is also very sad. Sometimes it is important to let the sadness out I think. This one is also very powerful in that it shows great despair in levels. The description is excellent and gives a perfect image. Then it leaves you just as you meant. I really like this. Sad but sometimes true....
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! Sometimes the darker poetry gets the best of me! >.< (Because it is so fun, in its own way, to write!)
Reply
:iconsoulspoken:
soulspoken Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2014  Professional Writer
Yeah I can understand that. Sometimes we latch on to certain kinds of writing and it stays with us.
Reply
:iconyuesumi:
Yuesumi Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
It works. Totally. I love the word 'whimsical' so from the beginning I was completely into this poem c: 
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
THAT WORD JUST GETS ME EVERYTIME! :) THANKS!
Reply
:iconfindingwhatslost:
FindingWhatsLost Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2014  Hobbyist
Really cool.  This piece definitely works, not confusing at all.  It is a perfectly told story, in my opinion, and a very true and touching one at that.  
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Aww glad to hear! THANK YOU! :hug:
Reply
:iconfindingwhatslost:
FindingWhatsLost Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2014  Hobbyist
Ya no problem return hug Hug 
Reply
:iconpirokyo:
Pirokyo Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014  Student General Artist
I think it works nicely.
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!! <3
Reply
:iconpirokyo:
Pirokyo Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014  Student General Artist
You're welcome, dear.
Reply
:iconfuturegreenteller:
futureGREENteller Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014  Student Writer
Can't find words to describe it. :) I'll try, beautiful, wonderful, magical, romantic, etc.. xD
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Awww thank you!!! <3 :)
Reply
:icontoxxvonvulgarr:
ToxxvonVulgarr Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2014
Oh wow... I love this! Beautifully done. Really touched on some related emotions. 

Exactly what I needed to read tonight! 

Putting this in the "favorites" for sure!
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Awww thank you! So glad you enjoyed it! <3
Reply
:iconwolfloversas:
wolfloversas Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
It works. :) Sad, for her.
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Yes! :/ ANd glad you think it works! :)
Reply
:iconwolfloversas:
wolfloversas Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
^^
Reply
:iconimariposa:
iMariposa Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Beautiful! Makes me reflect on my own feelings about my past relationship. This is kind of how it is, you adore them, and then after they're gone, you tell yourself that you hate them. Very good.
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! Glad you enjoyed it! <3
Reply
:iconvelns666:
velns666 Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2014
I adore this. 
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:icontangled-tales: More from Tangled-Tales


Featured in Collections


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
March 26, 2014
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
2,081 (1 today)
Favourites
134 (who?)
Comments
77
×