Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
×

:icontangled-tales: More from Tangled-Tales


Featured in Collections


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
September 22, 2013
File Size
358 bytes
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
977
Favourites
68 (who?)
Comments
86
×
You stand here in
this somber place,
the rain pelting
your sorrowed face

I think about
how you do feign,
as your salty tears
mix with the rain

And as your lips drip
with bitter sorrow,
I desire for you
a better tomorrow
Is it rain, or is it pain?
Add a Comment:
 
:iconkingfishersilentarmy:
KingfisherSilentArmy Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Very emotional, I like it. :)
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
THANK YOU, BUT I LIKe you. :) :hug: you are awesome.
Reply
:iconkingfishersilentarmy:
KingfisherSilentArmy Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Haha okay :)
If you say so. :XD:
Reply
:iconadrianarosabell:
adrianarosabell Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2014
nice!!!!! D'aww Misty Heart 
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:D
Reply
:iconyuesumi:
Yuesumi Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
It is rain and pain, and that always works well together. I love the last four lines ♥
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
THANKS! :)
Reply
:iconthat1personyouforgot:
That1PersonYouForgot Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Featured here --->

that1personuforgot.deviantart.…

Have a wonderful day! :heart:  I am a dummy! 
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Awww thanks! You too! <3
Reply
:iconthat1personyouforgot:
That1PersonYouForgot Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Neko Emoji-16 (Blush) [V1]  You're welcome!
Reply
:icondeadfish-silentarmy:
Deadfish-SilentArmy Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I relate to pur poetry, and it captures the pain so well!
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks!! <3
Reply
:icondeadfish-silentarmy:
Deadfish-SilentArmy Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
No probs :)
Reply
:iconthat1personyouforgot:
That1PersonYouForgot Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Sorry it's taken me some time to come look at your gallery, but now I am c:

I really like this poem, a lot. Other than the one, previously mentioned problem with the meaning of 'covet', I see no problems!
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
THANKK YOU!! :D And you just reminded me to change it, haha!
Reply
:iconkarinta:
Karinta Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Student General Artist
"I covet for you / a better tomorrow" is a little weak, because to covet means to envy someone's possessions... maybe something like "I wish for you" or "I hope life brings / a better tomorrow"?

Also, "I think about / how you do feign" is somewhat convoluted, because what is the person feigning? Competence, normalcy, happiness? Maybe a better rhyme would be "pain" or "stain" - there's lots and lots of words that do.

Otherwise, this poem is nice! Short and sweet...
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I may be mistaken, but I also thought covet could mean to desire or yearn for! I was trying to express the feigning of the tears by standing in the rain,,. But you are right, changing it might be my best optipn to make a clearer image!
Reply
:iconkarinta:
Karinta Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2014  Student General Artist
Ohh I see. It does make sense...

And to covet means to desire or yearn for something that somebody has already.... that's the thing.
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Ohhh mkay!
Reply
:iconkarinta:
Karinta Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2014  Student General Artist
:heart:
Reply
:iconshep4life:
shep4life Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Well done!
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks! :D
Reply
:iconshep4life:
shep4life Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Of course!
Reply
:iconnortstar:
Nortstar Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2013
it is really pretty good :)
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks :)
Reply
:iconnortstar:
Nortstar Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2013
you are welcome :hug:
Reply
:iconniqua10023:
Niqua10023 Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Oh, and another thing? Please keep it up and do your thing.
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Will do! ;D
Reply
:iconniqua10023:
Niqua10023 Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
:33 Good, good. Keep it up/
Reply
:iconniqua10023:
Niqua10023 Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
I love this one. :33 Heck! I love all your poems so far. I seen going though some. 
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
THANKS! :D Keep looking!
Reply
:iconniqua10023:
Niqua10023 Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
:33 No Biggie!!!! Of, course. Why? Wouldn't I? I love your stuff. XD Lol
Reply
:iconalice319:
Alice319 Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2013  Student Digital Artist
I love it how it rhymes. It sounds like it fit one's mood. :iconilikeitplz: 
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconalice319:
Alice319 Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2013  Student Digital Artist
You're welcome! ^^
Reply
:iconswiftstep123:
SwiftStep123 Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is amazing!!!!
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! <3
Reply
:iconswiftstep123:
SwiftStep123 Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
hey no prob!
Reply
:iconazurenebulae:
AzureNebulae Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Sorry about the delay ^^; this is really good! I love how it rhymes and the layout. Good job! :iconyay-plz:
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
THANK YOU SO MUCH! :)
Reply
:iconazurenebulae:
AzureNebulae Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome :)
Reply
:icontenskies:
TenSkies Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2013  Student General Artist
i love the slow pace throughout the poem, nice job!
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks :)
Reply
:icontsalagidt:
TsalagiDT Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Really great poem. Kee up the good work.#1 
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :)
Reply
:iconenigma-code:
Enigma-Code Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2013
Beautiful words, sounds like you sweet have been stood up, or stood up someone sweet. Not quite sure, but beautiful words anyway :)
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Great way to interpret it! But nope, just looking at a scenario from a fresh point of view! :)
Reply
:iconarthur55623:
Arthur55623 Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
this is me reading my poems and 2 of yours!
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Wow! Thank you! I will be sure to check it out!! :)
Reply
:iconarthur55623:
Arthur55623 Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
np, leave a comment if you like it!
Reply
Add a Comment: